


The Draw

by Trash



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Spoilers, post winter soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-11
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-12 18:46:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2120733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trash/pseuds/Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You think you'll find him?" Natasha asks. </p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"You're wrong."</p><p>(Or; Steve goes looking for Bucky)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Draw

**Author's Note:**

> For Ella
> 
> I can feel the draw  
> I can feel it pulling me back

Bucky's nightmares leave him screaming, writhing as if in pain. When he wakes up he lashes out at whoever is closest. "I'll sleep beside him," Steve says.

Dugan smiles, wiping blood from his lip split by Bucky's flailing fists. "Don't worry kid," he says.

"Bucky never had nightmares. It was always me - he was always waking me up and calming me down."

"He's seen things," Dugan says. "They weren't kind to him in the factory. Hell, they weren't kind to any of us. But something Jimmy said or did really got under their skin and they had it in for him."

Steve traces the stars on his shield with one finger. "When I found him, on that gurney..."

"That was the end of it. He'll tell you himself I guess. They're not my stories to tell."

Steve glances back at Bucky, sitting with his back against a tree, knees drawn up to his chest. His eyes are wild, mouth a tense line. "He won't talk to me, not about that."

"Because he wants to protect you, kid."

"I'm not the person I was when he left for war."

"Neither is he."

***

Bucky falls. And then, sixty nine years later, so does he.

Steve wakes up in hospital with the fading memory of a fist clutching his uniform and Bucky's name on his tongue.

***

He follows a lead, despite Natasha's warnings. 

"You think you'll find him?"

"Yes."

"You're wrong."

"Why? Because you say so?"

Natasha folds her arms across her chest and shifts her weight. "If he doesn't want to be found he won't be. I would know."

Steve clenches his jaw but doesn't argue. He shoulders his pack and walks away from her.

"You're chasing a shadow, Cap," She calls after him.

He turns, sparing her a wry smile. "Bucky is way more than that." He wants to say more, wants to tell Nat about his and Bucky's life together before the war, wants to explain why this is so important. "When Clint was compromised, you didn't leave him behind."

Natasha's stern expression flickers for just a moment, certainty vanishing. She stands straighter. "That's not the same," she says, but even she doesn't seem sure of that.

***

It's his birthday and he can't get out of bed for a cough that both he and Bucky fear may be edging toward bronchitis. 

"I'm real sorry I couldn't get you anything this year, Steve-O," Bucky says, crouched beside Steve's bed and running a hand through his hair. Neither of them mention the asthma cigarettes Bucky blew his pay on this month, or the over-due rent he settled with the landlord.

"It's okay," Steve smiles, and it really is. "You're here. That's enough." He blushes, grateful of the wet cough that shakes his frame, distracting them both.

Bucky smiles and it is disarming. He rubs Steve's back and helps him settle once his cough subsides. "If money were no object, what would you want for your birthday?"

A kiss, Steve thinks, that's all. "A new body," he says, instead. Because both situations are impossible.

***

The lead takes him to Austria, and he isn't sure why he is surprised. He stays in a hotel using an alias but that is still where Bucky finds him. There was some truth in Natasha's warning, he supposes. Steve daren't turn on the light, instead sits up and stares at the shape sitting in a chair in a corner of the room. 

"Who found who?" He asks. 

Bucky doesn't speak.

"Buck-"

"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, 32557038," Bucky says. 

"Everyone always called you Bucky. Except Dugan. Remember him? He called you Jimmy. You hated that." Steve is met with nothing but silence. He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Why are you here?"

"Why are you following me?"

Steve isn't sure where to begin explaining himself. "Because you're my best friend."

"You don't know me. I'm not him, your friend."

"Yes you are." Steve flicks on the lamp, illuminating the room.

Bucky is wearing jeans, a hoodie open over a t-shirt that says 'Austria loves me'. Meanwhile, Steve is naked in bed. And this whole thing should be completely hilarious. But then Bucky says, "I've done things, killed people."

"That's what soldiers do, Buck."

Bucky gets to his feet, flexing his arm. "You loved Agent Carter."

Steve tries to hide his frown. "Peggy? No, I didn't love Peggy."

Seemingly satisfied, Bucky goes over to the balcony doors, pulling them open.

"Woah, wait. Where are you going?" 

"I'll come back," Bucky says, turning to look at Steve, "if that's what you want?"

"Promise not to run again. That's all I'm asking for."

Bucky stares at him for a long moment and then nods. 

"I loved you, not Peggy." He holds Bucky's gaze, swallowing hard. "I loved you so much, but I couldn't tell you."

"I remember waking up in the snow and wondering why you hadn't come to get me. I kept waiting. Then they found me."

Steve feels like he has been punched. He finally averts his eyes and looks down at the sheets. 

"I think I loved you too," Bucky says, "but I might not remember tomorrow."

"I'll remind you," Steve says.

Bucky nods resolutely and steps out onto the balcony. Planting both hands on the railing he vaults over the edge, and by the time Steve has gotten to his feet he is gone.


End file.
